🐾 Reggie’s Diary 🐾

“The Grill Guardian: Liquid Gold Edition”

The master keeps putting stuff in this magical contraption called a Traeger. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I call it The Portal of Deliciousness. The smells? They last all day. I mean, it’s like bacon and brisket had a baby and that baby is singing to my soul.

But here’s the thing: by morning, the smells are gone. Vanished. I’m convinced the raccoons are infiltrating it at night. They’re stealthy. They’re organized. They’re probably wearing tiny ski masks. I haven’t caught them yet, but I know they’re out there, cleaning it out while we sleep.

Now, I know it’s delicious because sometimes—just sometimes—pieces drop down. Glorious, greasy morsels from heaven. And every now and then, the Traeger pees this hot but wonderful liquid. I don’t know what it is, but it smells like victory and tastes like dreams. I’ve tried licking it. I’ve tried catching it mid-drip. I’ve even tried barking at it to make it pee more. No luck.

The master doesn’t like when I jump on top of it. Says it’s “not safe” and “Reggie, get down!” But listen—this is the best defense position. I get height. I get visibility. I get to glare at Bellatrix and Ace when they try to sneak up for a sniff. I am the Grill Guardian.

This is my post. My mission. My legacy.

And if the Traeger pees again, I’ll be ready.

With smoky dreams and a watchful tongue,

Reggie