🐾 Hiro’s Diary: “Fluffy Bowling Ball With Legs” — The Struggle Is Real

Dear Diary,

It’s me, Hiro. You know, the original queen of this household before the new cats showed up and turned my life into a reality show I never auditioned for.

Let’s talk about the harassment. Every day, I’m subjected to relentless commentary from the peanut gallery. Bellatrix struts around like she’s on a runway, Onyx acts like he’s the bouncer to the food bowl, and Ace — oh Ace — once looked me dead in the eye and said:

“You’re just a fluffy bowling ball with legs.”

Excuse me?! I am majestic. I am powerful. I am… admittedly round. But that’s beside the point.

These new cats don’t understand the struggle. I haven’t been able to properly clean myself in years. You try doing yoga when your belly doubles as a beanbag. I sit on the stairs, wedged between the wall and the step, not because I want to — but because gravity and geometry have conspired against me.

They chase me. They mock me. They call me names like “Hiroshima” and “The Puffinator.” I just want peace, a warm blanket, and maybe a snack that doesn’t involve a sprint.

I used to be the center of attention. Now I’m the punchline. But you know what? I’m still here. Still fluffy. Still fabulous. And when the humans finally invent a Roomba that dispenses treats and compliments, I’ll be the one riding it like a throne.

Until then, I’ll be on the stairs. Judging. Quietly.

– Hiro