Dear Diary,
Something very strange is happening. Mysterious noises keep coming out of my butt. I’m not proud. I’m not even sure it’s me. At first, I blamed Hiro—she’s been smelling like expired tuna lately and everyone’s been talking about it. But then… the noises came when I was alone. LOUD noises. Like a trumpet from the underworld.
One of them was so powerful it woke me up from a nap. I thought a hob goblin was sneaking up on me. I even barked at the couch. Nothing. Just me. And the smell. Rotten. Like a swamp full of forgotten socks.
I’ve been watching creepy movies with Dad this month and now I’m convinced something evil is living in my digestive system. Maybe it’s cursed. Maybe it’s haunted. Maybe it’s just the cheese I stole from the counter last week.
Either way, I can’t wait for this spooky month to be over. I need peace. I need quiet. I need a butt exorcism.
Flatulently yours,
Arya