Dear Diary,
It has come to my attention that everyone in this house is talking about how I “stink.” The betrayal. The audacity. The lack of foot rubs. I am a dignified elder, a former star of Hairy Kitten and the Chamber of Catnaps, and I demand respect—not rude commentary about my scent profile.
Yes, I admit I can’t clean myself like I used to. My joints creak like the floorboards in a haunted Victorian. But does anyone offer assistance to Her Highness? No. They just wrinkle their noses and whisper behind my tail.
Bellatrix, of course, was the worst. She said—and I quote—“Hiro smells like a rat a cat killed with rats.” What does that even mean?! Is it poetry? Is it slander? Is it both?
Ever since she got her breakout role in Hairy Kitten and the Goblet of Fur, she’s been meaner than a witch with a hairball. Fame has gone to her head. I, however, remain humble. Regal. Slightly musty. But still majestic.
I shall now retreat to my Avengers blanket throne and sulk dramatically until someone brings me a snack or a sponge bath.
Odorously yours,
Hiro