Dear Diary,
Today was another glorious day in the Kingdom of Me. I woke up, stretched my fabulous legs, and reminded everyone that I am the center of the universe. Honestly, I don’t know why they even bother paying attention to anyone else. Cats? Please. Those furry ninjas think they run the house, but I made it clear: NO ONE gets pets unless I approve. Spoiler alert—I never approve.
Mom tried to pet Willow earlier. HA! I launched myself like a majestic cannonball and wedged between them. Mission accomplished. Then Dad leaned in for some attention from Mom. Excuse me? Did he forget the rules? I climbed right on top of them both. If there’s love in this house, it’s ALL FOR ME.
Oh, and let’s talk about my sweater. Red, green, and white—festive, chic, and screams “I’m fabulous.” I strutted around like a runway model while the cats sulked in the corner. Bellatrix gave me the stink-eye, but I just wagged my tail in her face. She tried to swipe at me, but I dodged like a ninja in couture. Victory is mine.
Later, Ace tried to nap on the couch. I jumped up, sprawled across Mom’s lap, and gave Ace the look: Move along, peasant. He moved. Of course he did. I’m the king. It’s always about me. If anyone even thinks about paying attention to someone else, I will interject with the power of a thousand wiggles.
In conclusion:
• Cats = defeated.
• Dogs = reminded of their place.
• Humans = properly worshipping me.
• Sweater = iconic.
Long live the King.
Signed, His Majesty Reggie